I’m writing just after a long run, got some symptoms hanging with me and my face feels like a bit of a congested mask. I’m welcoming it though, with the light shining in through fruit-fly clouded windows. I’m welcoming it because this week I’m thinking over the importance of change (even if this one means a whole lot of snot...sorry, TMI).
And I don’t mean the kinds of changes that come softly (like the slow, warm descent we seem to be sliding into with the appearance of spring). I’ve got a short-term work contract coming to an end in a few months, and with that apprehension I'm feeling the importance of embracing and celebrating these changes.
When things get uncertain (so every day working in an 'arts jobs', I guess) in a way that makes me feel unsteady, I usually return to this idea of being comfortable with the uncomfortable. It’s good, I think to myself, to be challenged, that this discomfort shows the potential for growth. But I’m thinking now that while this discomfort will come and go, there is something to be said for flipping the script sometimes. A feeling of apprehension is not so dissimilar from a feeling excited.
For myself I often feel that times of change are ones of reflection- which can be true, and useful. But I think it’s easy to mistake this as a passive process- that it’s a time to step back, maybe indulge in a little self-pity. Our job has just finished- the last after party swept into the bins (and actually put in the bin alley for once! Result!)- that would seem like the perfect time to start feeling bad for yourself, right? But what if we use the feeling of that, as energy to power ourselves onto the next thing?
I suppose it’s useful to remember even when things are going well; those times when the to-do lists seem to do themselves, a part of you sitting back comfortably while you network with other creative people. It doesn’t hurt to have that small part of yourself looking ahead, into...somewhere. The maturity to recognise that yes, the times are good, but they will end at some point, they will evolve. And that’s a brilliant thing. What a gift to never have to be stuck in any situation forever- for even in noticing something, like for example, you’ve been investing time and energy into a project that you don’t want to persue anymore. Even in noticing that, the change has begun, and no work like that is ever truly wasted. And who knows- maybe you’ll pick it up again in the future.
And yet, if you’ve just been rejected from a job that you were sure you would get (which seems so often to be the case-and visa versa- things are never what they seem, I suppose), this is not an endorsement to over-correct. To lie and declare that you never wanted it, that you’re better than the people there, just to cover up any insecurity that has been exposed. Forget the ego and focus on the id- go back to what you really want. Accept how you feel about the situation. And move on- go back to work or pick up an art form you neglected as ‘not productive enough’, something for you rather than for monetisation. For change is an opportunity to invite all the things you forgot back into your life- but this is not a passive process. This is an action- to go out and get excited about what life can be. Because, to quote Gorillaz, 'All the world is out of your hands...Change come[s] to pass. You'd best be ready for it'. Because you'd best be ready for everything coming your way.
References
Lyrics taken from 'Let Me Out' by Gorillaz
This idea of ‘getting comfortable with the uncomfortable’ always reminds me of Luvvie Ajayi Jones’ TED talk on it- it’s a good one.