I’m sat on my freezing cold sofa wrapped in layers belonging to various friends from whom I’ve permanently borrowed. The sun has an infuriating shine today which negates the Baltic winds that sweep the streets- winds that yesterday I saw sweep someone’s glasses clean off their face (I did laugh. I’m not perfect).
I lost my house keys this week and I’ve not yet accepted the reality of it. Instead I’ve been sofa surfing so as not to cancel on any of the ‘Christmas fun’ (networking engagements) I’d planned in for the week. Walking home today got me thinking about how this very physical representation of loosing a boundary (ie. those four walls of my room at my disposal when I need to recharge or escape freezing rain) is reflective of the need to assert these boundaries in our personal and professional lives. As soon as I had this thought, I passed a pub called ‘The Boundary’ (yes, seriously), so today I am writing as a vessel of truth called on by The Universe (or maybe I'm sleep deprived and consequently confused by a poorly-reasoned inflated sense of self-importance- most likely).
Working freelance within the arts industry is something that requires boundaries in so many respects. I think it’s one that’s quite unique in that a lot of those boundaries are ones that we have to set for ourselves. With a traditional job that boundary can be largely reinforced for you. With a strict 9-5 you have that boundary of time. A strict hierarchy of authority (however nauseating) sets inter/personal boundaries. And those four walls of the office (oh to have those four walls!) or wherever you work can help to set that physical and mental boundary. This is, of course, in an ideal world- obviously with every job we must monitor how much it melts into the rest of our time, how much energy it takes and whether it’s worth it.
With a lot of freelance arts-related work however, this is a utopia that doesn't come into being. People often say to me (when I introduce myself with nauseating pomp and grandeur- alas I'm still only human-) ‘wow! That’s such a fun/cool job!’ Of course, a degree of surprise is to be expected when the Tory government insists on shrinking its possibility and slowly strangling dreams of doing so, what with the lack of funding and a focus on stem subjects in education* to name a few. But, I digress.
The questions that often follow this initial surprise (and maybe for some a little rekindling of hope behind their eyes, who knows,) are related to what that entails this as a job, and what you’re working on at the moment. I have to emphasise here that working as a freelance artist is all about the long game (I emphasise here for my own benefit). Stamina is needed as an artist because rejection is stamped on the tin, unless you’re a well-connected rich arsehole (maybe there's jealousy in this depiction- maybe I'm wrong and successful ones are the talented ones! Good on them). Regardless, when people ask these questions, about what freelance arts work entails, they usually get- quite simply- a bit bored. Working like this, especially in the early stages of a career, are less about fingers in many pies, but -as I bemoaned with my fellow starving-artist flatmates the other day- the process of baking those pies in the first place. It follows that a lot of the little jobs, like applying for bursaries/positions, keeping up to date with local artists and their work, creating bad work (one must shit one’s way to greatness, no?**) and then processing all that in a healthy way (like writing a blog, maybe) is not that final sparkly moment on stage, or the pride of watching work come together- and it’s certainly not always paid. But it's just as important. I have friends that literally ask me again and again ‘but how are you busy?’ and 'what is it exactly you do?’ without realising they're doing it (and if not- give me a moment while I get rid of them). I often feel the need to embellish on work in order to make it sound like I am being sparkly all the time but I’m not. I'm not always sparkly. I’m putting the work in for those sparkly moments in the future.
The need to register and regulate that prick of self-defensiveness is all the more important during this festive season, with those much anticipated (for better or worse) get-togethers with friends and family coming up. A perfectly innocent ‘so what are you doing right now?’ could just become the final nail in a coffin for a death by a thousand cuts- pack up it's time to be a *insert acceptable career here*. As hard as it is, it can be up oneself to prevent this unlawful murder- the need for boundaries for oneself when it comes to nurturing and protecting your integrity as an artist.
I feel really lucky to be doing Tmesis Theatre‘s Wicked Women course- especially considering the capacity of the course leaders and mentors to answer my questions, which so often require the same answer: Yes. You do deserve respect as an artist. You deserve to have your time respected- set those office hours for yourself. Splash out and hire that studio/office/rehearsal space. Yes, bring up fees and supply your rates of pay- have flat rates, daily, hourly rates. Rehearse your elevator pitch, your speech, your interview, your affirmations, in the mirror. Do it whenever you can. Make yourself believe that you deserve respect for the work you do. Because as soon as one decides that for oneself, it makes it a heck of a lot easier for the rest of the world to see it too.
For me, however truthful the stereotype of ‘the starving artist’ is in an economic sense, it's untrue that an artist is inherently starved of validation. Artists must have unresolved childhood trauma and a need for validation, because why else would anyone put themselves through all this just for art... right?! But this is not the purpose art serves. As captured so well by the fiercely-defended freedom that characterises the trans and gender Non-conforming community, and conversely the hate and therefore the fear that characterises its opposition, society (as Alok Menon expresses so well***) has a need confine beauty, to confine art and expression, to standardised definitions that fail to capture the nuance of the human experience. So therefore the artist is not necessarily a figure of selfish desire, but sits with the ranks of activism as one of pioneering strength and exploration.
This is only the case for some who have entered the industry for objectively selfish intent
This is of course, case by case, and I'm sure those that enter the industry with specifically seflish desire and intent (I recognise that someone should probably bash me off my high horse with the way it's towering today). Though I think this highlights the imperative necessity for increased diversity in the arts in terms of people in power. Because maybe, just maybe, a rich, white, middle-class man might just have some issues he has to go away to therapy and solve- and let underrepresented groups take the helm for a bit. For a long bit. God knows we need anything but yet another live-adapted Disney remake to entertain ourselves.
Aside from a degree a desire for validation in all of us, I think the bottom line is that wherever an artist is in their career, they deserve respect. It struck me with surprise in a conversation on Instagram with cabaret artist @hausovdismater when they said they felt respected by my high regards to their work. To some extent this may reflect how damn binary the cis-gender population is in our society is when it comes to understanding and appreciating gender non-conforming people and their art (cis people: we need to do better!****) but also how, regardless of what stage anyone's artistic career is, what stage they are in life, a level of respect is not necessarily a given. And it should be.
Not to bang on about the state of the world for the past few years (where for one thing the boundary between work and life was challenged for everyone), but much of the population enjoyed- in continuation, discovery or re-discovery- pleasure through artistic pursuit. In all forms: people drew, wrote and tried out artistic hobbies. Watched a billion hours of Netflix or played video games into the night. Julia Cameron’s book (‘The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity', a sort of exercise book for rediscovering artistic freedom) was originally written nearly thirty years ago, but was trending. If this has shown us anything about the arts, it’s that it is imperative to survival- to creating a life worth living. If anything from this hellish situation the past few years, let's hang onto that.
So, to anyone who exists anywhere on a career path in the arts (even if it’s just a secret dream the Tories haven’t killed yet)- know that even though the people around you might not be giving your work the respect it deserves, it is something you can nurture for yourself by laying down boundaries and making a promise to yourself to respect what you do. Because we all need to create that safe space for ourselves, even if it feels unpermitted by external situations (like not being able to get into your own home…god I really need to get a new key cut).
References
*Learnt about the effect of arts cuts by the government in schools seeing the live launch of a digital performance by Collective Encounters Youth Theatre (@collectiveencounters on Instagram) this week. Keep an eye out for the young people there! Feels so important in current times young voices are heard.
**“Shitting your way to greatness”- @Debrisstevenson does these excellent ‘freewriting’ exercises on her Instagram which are so great for blocked writers- did a bunch of it over lockdown and realised that you can only get better by letting yourself be shit at something and going from there.
***@ALOK (Instagram) is an brilliantly intelligent and eloquent author, performer, speaker and fashionist. Check them out!
****all cis-people! I can’t recommend ‘The Transgender Issue: An argument for Justice’ by Shon Faye (@shon.faye on Instagram) enough- it’s so elegantly concise and clear. I feel like it’s so important with the topic for the onus of change to be shifted more onto cis people because we’re the ones holding back perceptions of gender! I first heard about it in an interview with Shon Faye on Jameela Jamil’s I Weigh podcast which is also great: https://open.spotify.com/episode/55Jz0jnkiAPQRZgikL09zJ?si=tRosvrKQR6CrrpVpPTe1rQ&utm_source=copy- .
The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron- takes a bit of time and commitment but like a hot bubble bath for the soul, is worth every minute.
@tmesistheatreliverpool ‘s creative developmental course Wicked Women has its final session before Christmas next week and has just finished a series of podcast sessions with Ngunan Adamu (Instagram: @ngunanadamuofficial). So lovely to be growing and learning with a group that reinforces a sense of integrity and respect that should be nurtured in all artists- I feel so lucky to be a part of it. Thankyou to it’s artistic director, Elinor Randle, and producer, Claire Bigley.
Cover photo: me and Sophie Reisner (@soph_reisner) in a production of 'Cloud 9' at Liverpool Institute for Performing Arts, directed by @willsherriffhammond and @creepingmiasma (photo credit to @andrewabphotography ).
So very proud of you and your wisdom, warmth and wit!