It’s early in the morning- or at least early enough for me to feel a sort of smugness for writing. It’s a calm after the storm moment for me, in my own little way- I directed a scratch show in a week as well as doing various other projects, and I’m training a lot in Jiu Jitsu at the moment too. This is where any veterans (as it were) in the creative industry, or even few successful years/months in even, are yawning and rolling their eyes- so what you’ve had a busy week? Good! Absolutely fair enough.
It is definitely something that comes with the territory, with any sort of freelance work I suppose. The highs and lows. Part of me absolutely adores it- there is nothing like a deadline to get one moving. Saying that though, you can’t run on adrenaline forever and eventually you will be back in your pyjamas at 11am like I was yesterday, wondering what the hell happened. I think for me, in those times where everything gets quiet again, it feels important to have those all-important routines and hobbies to lean on here and there, as well as throwing yourself back into the endless freezing tides of the freelance job search. Because that’s what defines it in an industry like this- no matter how high up you climb the ladder, there will always be a pressure to churn out more ‘stuff’. And ‘stuff’ does feel like the right word- having lofty aims for one’s art is all very well until the gas and electricity goes out, and before you know it you’re in the centre pretending to be an elf and absolutely loving every rejection from passers-by. So balancing working (which should always mean getting paid/working towards it) with just living life is a challenge. But I think it is a balance that is sometimes misrepresented as something that’s self-indulgent for the artist, when there are periods (for a lot of us starting out) where we’re not getting work at all. Does this desire of -what the government might describe- artist scum to have a life mean that we are selfish?
I suppose being paid in a career that might be considered by some a hobby can have a certain guilt attached to it. An example for me would be that I always need to check my rates with the professionals @tmesistheatre and Wicked Women- and I always seem to be undercharging! This sense of guilt varies of course depending on the circumstances in which you grow up, and how you identify. I listened to a podcast recently, interviewing Romesh Ranganthan- he talks about a sense of self-indulgence coming with his work in comedy initially, due to his working-class background. I was lucky to have a middle-class upbringing, with a family that supported my career ideas. There is still a sense of selfishness that I feel though, coming from a family where so many work in support roles like nurses or teachers. And I do think there needs to be a sense of gratitude and play when it comes to working in the industry, whilst recognising the mileage there is to do in the industry as far as representation goes. There is a sense of play that is also needed too, and held with lightness- life is not a race. You might not get this next audition (or the one after that). All the emails you’ve put out this week might get radio silence. But running each project and opportunity like a race will probably send you into the ground pretty quickly- even though from an outside perspective, it might seem like everyone is working that way.
Saying all this about taking things slow doesn’t recognise that often opportunities do pile up. I watched a thread of sympathetic directors on Twitter last week, pushing through ‘yet another two weeks of work with no day off’. So how do they do it?
It is important to remember how adaptable we are as humans, and as so many Instagram quote pages (that I don’t remember ever following) say; building the life you want depends wholly on your mindset. If I were a scientist, I would talk about how anything you’re doing (useful or detrimental) builds or deepens neuro-connections in your brain. I’m not, but the general idea of it feels helpful. That it is completely attainable to live any which way you please if you’re willing to- if you want to! It also makes sense why it’s such a quick spiral to building detrimental habits (‘nothing good or bad, thinking makes it so’…) because it is simply what we’ve taught our brain to do, and hey, the more detrimental choices in life can be more fun sometimes anyway. In the natural lulls of creative work, it seems to me that priorities don’t actually change- only the amount of time that we have available for it. For example this morning, I had time to do a yoga routine and make some banana pancakes at my leisure. But when I was ‘busy’ (I hate that word!) the importance to eat healthy and exercise didn’t change, only the execution of them- for example planning and preparing meals beforehand and squeezing in a little stretch where possible.
As a lot of creative/passionate people are, I’m a ‘busy person’. I used to feel smug about it, as if it were some kind of proof that I was doing something with my life. I saw a talk at a festival a few years ago that changed my perspective though- the word ‘busy’ can just be ego-serving. It’s a way of filling out the time we do actually have, and can actually lead to higher levels of stress which then can lead to anxiety and depression. All just to feel for ourselves that we are doing more than we actually are. So I guess it should be possible to not be busy but also have the phone ringing off the hook with new work opportunities- and let’s not deny, that’s the dream.
I don’t have a way of fixing a ‘busy brain’ or a lack of opportunities just landing in one’s lap (success is just the tip of the iceberg…Instagram quotes in my brain again), but I think there is something to be said for foresight. It’s been a thought on my mind a lot lately. As important as it is to seize the day, that doesn’t mean living fast before our inevitable doom. It means being present, but being present can also mean planting seeds for tomorrow*. There is only so much we can harvest from our health, so if we put in just a few tasks today to help us tomorrow (be it eating healthily or doing that task that we’ve been putting off for so long it feels like part of us), it will help us to get through life, smooth out the emotional motion-sickness of its highs and lows, and maybe have a nice time doing it.
References:
Romesh Ranganthan, appearing on The Proper Class Podcast.
The director’s that spoke ( among which @Mr_James_Baker)- respect for all the work you do!
*Stephen Guise’s article: https://stephenguise.com/plant-metaphorical-seeds-every-day/
Spot the Hamlet quote!
Cover photo is me and Sophie Reisner (@soph_reisner) in a production of 'Cloud 9' at Liverpool Institute for Performing Arts, directed by @willsherriffhammond and @creepingmiasma (photo credit to @andrewabphotography ).