I've just completed a two-week self-induced, self-run and self-completed course in self-pity, and I’m exhausted. It included late-night-early-morning stints of overly aggressive yoga, avoiding loved ones, getting annoyed when loved ones didn’t notice, back-to-back k-dramas and, villainously, punching a perfectly acceptable chocolate scone into mulch. I would proffer details for this course (feel free to PayPal me to do so) but it’s something we all have our own versions of that we do to ourselves- for free. It’s strange that often there are definite peaks and troughs to such periods of ‘crisis’ (I feel a definite need to recognise my privilege in this regard of course, I have all the basic needs, fear not). For me, the end of this particular spiral was signified with a paid directing job, a bunch of really informative and uplifting sessions with Wicked Women, and a part-time role working with socially-trading organisations. It’s safe to say that today is a good day.
Why is it then, speaking for those of us that live and work in comfortable conditions, do we let ourselves enter these phases of such turmoil? For weeks, years even? It’s a million-dollar question, and the answer is different for every situation- thus, whilst currently I am revelling in my current throes of elation, my mind wonders to when the world is going to feel like it’s ending again. The reason why I’m splashing across social media again is one, because I’ve learnt that you should strike while the iron is hot when you’re on the upswing of creativity (to just get some goddamn workdone) but also that I think the reason why I’ve been feeling off is because of my phone.
As creatives in the current climate, if you’ve done any kind of course about how to get work in the industry today and stay working, to meet other creatives or even just to share your frustrations about not working, all quivering fingers seem to point towards modern technology as the way to go. I understand that, especially for the veterans that have been in the trenches of the creative industry for years and have clawed their way through, technology is not the only means to that end goal of, well, getting paid- one of the crazy things about modern society is that it can be quite mouldable to the kind of lives we want to lead. As Ngunan Adamu said in one of her podcast sessions with Wicked Women- “if you’re passionate about something you can make money out of it”. So, I suppose in that way, the secret of those people that seem to be able to get an aggravating amount of work done is that they do the things they’re interested in, whether they’re on socials or not. They just do it. This aside however, there is such a staggering amount of information, opportunities and communication that happens online that it seems like a no-brainer to get involved. Facebook seems to be great for finding a sense of community, for joining groups for particular interests/work or looking out for networking events. Instagram has so much traffic that appeals to our short attention spans so it’s a good way to show people (again and again) the work you’re doing, to project that professional persona and create a presence for yourself. And I’ve only recently joined Twitter but I’ve been struck by the amount of opportunities that have popped up. There is so much out there. And that’s not even mentioning websites, email (obviously…) and the use of social media for personal use- you know, like actually catching up with loved ones. But. As much as social media and technology makes me think of opportunity, it also makes me think of pressure and sheer overwhelm.
The past few days I’ve been cautiously steering clear of my phone -first thing in the morning and last thing at night- out of sheer instinct. It’s just too loud! Living for being an early-rising twat who replies to emails at 7am then forces socialisation and posts for the rest of the day is the way to a burnout. I watched half a series of a k-drama the other night after doing emails and I had the audacity to get frustrated when my eyes were aching?! The rapid deterioration of my eyes alone will teach me a lesson- not to mention feeling like my brains are leaking out of my ears.
What’s so scary is that I didn’t even have a smart phone before attending university. I was very pretentious about it- telling off my brother for daring to watch more than one consecutive YouTube video, my sister for ‘not being present’ during family gatherings by taking refuge, plugged into her earphones (if either of you are reading this, I offer you a fifty dead-arms as recompense). The fact is, I went from being an anal, holy-water throwing, phone-hating extremist to falling into the addictive toxicity of being on my phone constantly- working overtime, scrolling endlessly, and wondering why no one is replying to the utterly hilarious duck videos I just sent.
It was only while cycling home from our Wicked Women session on wellbeing today (run by the lovely Clair Brumby) that I realised that as important and wonderful it is to love your work, boundaries in every sense are so important to nurture that love into something long-term. As amazing as social media can be for an artist (got the hang of reels on Instagram last week, and needless to say my feed is now inundated with content), it’s as important to sternly put it down sometimes and actually have out-of-office hours. For any of you that delete apps altogether, all credit to you. For me, for now there’s just something quite satisfying about seeing that urgent email or text or DM that I just simply ignore…or maybe that’s just negligence, I’m not sure yet.
References
With thanks to the continuing excellence of our Wicked Women cohort, run by Tmesis Theatre (https://www.tmesistheatre.com/), especially our session on social media, and the wonderful guest-speakers we’ve had, including podcasting with Ngunan Adamu (@NgunanAdamu), social media with Sophie Koumides of @koukoukreations and wellness in the arts with Clare Brumby (@ClareBrumby).
Cover photo: filming 'Bad Seed' with @BFIfilmacademy (available https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncEU-8wtKT8 )