It’s 9am and I’m riding the wave of nation-sanctioned ‘sleep deprivation day’ (otherwise known as new years’). I’m listening to ‘Dreamer’ (linked above for your leisure), and with fingers of golden morning light stretching out to me through my window (refracted by a broken TV aerial), I feel a sense of joy. This and the new year propaganda clogging my phone has got me thinking about the future.
As far as having a new years resolution goes, I’m not really jumping on the bandwagon. It seems like the biggest inconsistency to me that we’re told to let everything go for one month (and buy lots of food and presents that no one asked for to create more waste, only to have half the gifts re-gifted or returned), then the following month we’re told to do the opposite (and buy all the books, weight-loss products and technology to make us acceptable again) simply because the relaxed version of us doesn’t quite serve the capitalist and consumerist agenda. It doesn’t function to make us successful- or happy.
To say I’m not buying it at all is, of course, a lie. I drafted a bunch of resolutions, one of which was to perform more than I did the last year. Like so many artists ‘during this strange time’ (a phrase that seems to be recycled a lot these days), the work we’re doing isn’t quite what we envisioned or, in some cases, it's being halted altogether. And there is nothing more frustrating than being stuck behind a computer, or waiting to get the green light to be able to even go outside, when all you want to be making, and interacting with fellow creatives. This is, of course, a reality that many of us face. Which highlights focussing on that which we can control- and no, I don't mean yet another doomed-to-fail resolution.
If you’ve bypassed the new-year new-capitalist you scheme, and you genuinely want to make a change, I've heard it’s best to focus on getting excited by consistent action rather than the change itself (Guise, 2021*). As someone who likes to spend a lot of time in their own head, this made me realise that ‘counting yourself with the dreamers’, as lovely as it sounds, might not be serving you all the time. Maybe now is the time to focus on that action rather than reflecting on words (ironic of course, my writing of a revolution of resolutions while writing about just that).
But then again, being in the modern world is being overwhelmed by information. It’s open to all of us whenever we want. “There is more information in one issue of the New York Times than a person in the eighteenth century would have been required to digest in a lifetime”*. Wouldn’t it be great if all that information was actually making us more evolved? Smarter? More empathetic? Altogether more evolved? The problem is, I don’t think it does most of the time, certainly not in concern of my limited brain power (or maybe that's just the sleep deprivation). My time spend 'procuring information' seems to descend more and more into an endless article wormhole about the barest nuggets of information tabloid journalists find on Zendaya and Tom Holland, or who’s died recently, or who’s been cancelled. And the more you engage with it, the worse it gets.
It can almost make it worse, considering all these stories of people who have survived- thrived, even- in difficult circumstances, when I'm here whining about yet another pointless article I'm probably going to end up reading anyway. Performance artist Marina Abramovic in her autobiography talked about a heartbreak (one of those ones that makes you feel motion-sick) but because she that she ‘wasn’t one of those people who could stay in bed for days and eat chocolate’- she got up the next day and went looking for work. Another example of great resilience- climber Joe Simpson’s rope being cut and causing him to fall 100 feet (into a snowdrift luckily) and, injured, having to crawl his way back to base-camp without food or water for 3 days. And he survived. While I wouldn't recommend doing either of these things on purpose, we can learn an element of simplicity from these stories- where possible, don’t think about it, just do. So when you’re trying for something- make it simple (and stay away from TikTok if it's making you think less of humanity). Take away the needless decisions, because the fatigue and even downright suffering it causes is so unnecessary.
I’m not like Mariana. I think I could stay in bed for a few days and feel, if anything, a little smug about it. I'd probably watch a bunch of TV shows too- even ones I actively dislike. I generally don't though, and I use a pretty strict morning routine to get the ball rolling (currently it includes some non-negotiable dancing whilst making breakfast). I think when you’re a freelancer (artist or not), creating some kind of structure for yourself (even if it only makes sense to you- chaos can have a kind of structure to it) can help things get moving, and importantly, stay moving consistently. Getting things done doesn’t have to be hard. I think I was more tired when I was applying for part-time jobs than when I was working consistently, just because of all that time wasted by being worried, or by not giving myself a break. Your body is not a machine, any kind of work can chip away at your wellbeing. Working should be about being smart and working to your strengths and personal tastes. Exercise help you? Talking to friends motivate you? Getting your environment organised make you feel inspired? Make it an essential part of your day.
More than that, I encourage you to indulge your ‘weirdness’ (whatever that word even means). Because your body has brains. It knows what it wants. And what it doesn’t want. I've set myself goals before- like reading as much as Pinterest told me to, and exercising as much as Instagram told me to, applying to all the big shiny agencies. While those things became habits (and by that I mean my brain made them into tasks I did without thinking about them). But it was frustrating because it was all focussed on external factors rather than finding any joy in it myself.
So when you’re putting the work in to do something, make sure it’s something you want- or at least something that you enjoy the process of. Try stuff out. Collect images and thoughts- even if you can’t explain why they’re important. Try, and fail, and throw it away with joy and enthusiasm. I think there can be a lot of pressure and a lot of unnecessary self-questioning that comes in when we’re worrying about whether something is right or not for us. It doesn’t have to have some cosmic significance, it can just feel right.
There’s a book called ‘Who moved my cheese’ that outlines attitudes to change quite nicely. In the book, there are characters that are all searching for cheese in a maze. And all have different approaches- some sniff for it, or run around as fast as they can, and struggle to adapt when it moves. There is a lot to unpick from these different approaches, but as someone who likes- perhaps too much- to think things through, what stuck with me, was that “the fear you build up in your mind is worse than the situation itself”. There is so much to be said for putting work into your confidence and sense of self, especially as an artist, where it can feel like there’s very little holding you in terms of what the well-trodden path is, how to find new ideas and build connections, even sometimes being treated the way you should be in the workplace. And yes it's trendy, this whole ‘being a better version of yourself’ business at the moment- especially at this time of year. But don’t be cringed out by it- it could just mean being quiet for a bit. Getting curious about what's important to you- because as an artist, you sometimes have to be your own personal assistant, manager and whoever-it-is-gets-the-coffee all at the same time.
So all hail the pragmatists and grafters of the world- bringing us the proactivity and grit that's needed to survive in the arts. Although that's not to say that dreaming doesn’t have it’s place. It's scientifically proven that if you return to the visualisation, and imagine it repeatedly and with detail, more than ‘manifesting good vibes’ your brain will value-tag things that relate to what you’re imagining, and in the long and short of it, you are more likely to achieve it (Swart, 2021). Things will start popping up and you’ll think how weird, how coincidental it is. But don't forget the power of your thoughts- because the way they are driving is the way you're going to end up.
At the end of the day (which it certainly feels like at the moment, the daylight looking like it’s trying for a 12pm sunset) listen to your intuition to find balance with the way you’re working. Change, whether it’s what we’re inviting, or expecting, or not is the only constant in life. So do away with being too rigorous and have some fun this new year, or knuckle down and get focussed about your life (feel free to circle as appropriate).
References:
*Dr Daniel G. Amen, ‘Use Your Brain to Change Your Age’, :
Guise, Stephen (2021) blog: https://stephenguise.com/3-ways-to-improve-your-life-in-2022/
Johnson, Spencer (2015) Who Moved My Cheese?. Ebury Publishing.
Swart, Tara (2021) podcast: Not Perfect Podcast with Poppy Jamie: The science behind why manifestation works with Tara Swart.
Photo credit: Can't find the photographer! But was featured as part of an event by Artlight (they have a Facebook page) which aimed to integrate different artist and artists of different genres to bring them together.