I’m sat in a car to Preston, and my laptop is balanced atop my bag on my knees. I’m headed out to the first jiu jitsu session of the year- the energy is merry (and certainly not in a Christmas way) and it’s a delightful contrast to spending the last few days on the sofa. The swings and roundabouts are at it again, and with the sun shining (it’s not warm but at least it’s bright), things are looking up. Sofa days creep up on us all. Or maybe yours looks more like a weekend back with family? A crazy night out with friends? However it looks to you, these highs and lows are normal- especially during a period where our work lives are so instable. Not to mention that artistic work is often characterised by instability- a break from it is necessary sometimes (though this time I think mine was just PMS).
Any spiral like that, though easily began, it can take weeks to climb from. What’s that vulgar phrase? A moment on the lips? The infestation of a negative thought pattern (put thoughts of diet culture back to bed) can really do a number on you- your brain loves to repeat what it knows, irrespective of where you’re trying to head in life. The rise out of those depths could partly be a rooted sense of self, those habits that we make part of us. Having that coffee in the morning, doing yoga in the morning- I think of it as a staircase and banister leading one out of the sea. But it’s not only these steady actions that can show us the way out- I saw a video on Instagram the other day preaching the mental health benefits of a daily ice-cold shower, for example. Given that our shower at home seems to take what temperature it pleases (I generally end up being ice-cold, mental health benefits or not) I was woken from my self-depreciatory slumber by making a cake with friends at about midnight- a lot more pleasant than an ice-cold shower.
It can be very frustrating, having a ‘problem’ such as this- you can chew over it for an infinite time, only to have it untangle itself when you weren’t expecting. Is there a formula to this? To beating the slump once and for all? I think a lot of it does rest in intuition, with a healthy amount of common sense. If all you want to do is go to bed, maybe now is not the time to get that script finished up or do whatever task you told yourself you would do today. I think in this case though, it’s important to remember the importance of other people- even when you’re someone who might think they work alone most of the time.
I read ‘Quiet’ a few years back, within which the financial crash of 2007/8 was attributed to the attitudes of investors at the time. To explain- the trend in the West is to be the go-getter. The bold and innovative one. The leader. The trailblazer. This is all well and good, but people with this mentality are more likely to take risks- they want to go out on a limb, follow their own intuition and prove everyone wrong. As the financial crash shows, these risks don’t always pay off.
The book I’m discussing goes onto talk about the importance of classically ‘introverted’ traits- the ability to listen and creating others space to speak, for example. What sticks out to me, however, is that this attitude’s pervasiveness in society as a whole. The dream to be the lone wolf, ‘going it alone’. And- if the mounting pressure on mental health services is anything to go by-I don’t think it’s helping anyone. The people that might seem like they’re going it alone, might not be at all. Stick to your own lane, meaning look out for yourself. And call your grandparents for once!
In the UK, I think this mentality is prevalent in the workplace. If we look at London as a pinnacle example- no one seems to sleep, everyone seems to be running around and, most importantly, no amount of work ever seems to be enough. There is a culture of egging each other on to do this- comparing the amount of time we work, romanticising independence and innovation, the backhanded shaming- ‘oh at least you got a holiday- I’m working down to the wire!’ (Which basically means ‘I’m jealous you allowed yourself the rest that I couldn’t give to myself!) I fall prey to it- priding myself on independence, a smug part of me believing that less help equals more praise and success. It doesn’t. It just makes us all a lot more tired and burnt out.
I find it interesting that under the definition of independent is one who is ‘free’ and ‘self-governed’. It sounds great- until you scroll down to other definitions. Like ‘not connected to another or with each other’, ‘separate, unrelated, disassociated’. I think that’s when the dream of independence sours a little. I think so many people- so many artists- think this way though, because of the structure of our lives. Even when you take a people-centric (in a practical sense- is all art people-centric?? Discuss) art-form like directing or acting, outside of the context of a show or project, the artist works alone. There are less structures put in place for support, mentorship and training, which are important for developing your working practice. I think it then becomes so much more important for artists to build communities around themselves- not only for friendship but for support, mentorship. To share ideas and build work together. Too much, I think, emphasis is placed on individuals; the artists’ process is described as arduous and mysterious, celebrities are hounded, put up on pedestals and torn down from them. Some tear other artists down to ‘get ahead’. But where is ‘ahead’? Surely all we’re doing is creating a gap between ‘the normal person’ and ‘the artist’, which not only makes art seem inaccessible when it should be for everyone, but it isolates artists. Because we are all normal people and no art or thought is really original. Sorry. Let’s stop pretending it is, celebrate the hard work and success of everyone and look at the artist’s work for what it really is- exploration. And isn’t exploration so much better when you’re not alone?
Reference
'Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking' by Susan Cain- a quiet little recommendation from me for anyone who is- or has ever been- well...quiet.
Cover photo: Playing Polonius in Hamlet, with @Flo_jackson1 playing Laertes. Directed by Judith McSpadden (@judemcspad). Photo credit to Jessica Wallace (@jlwjessica).