It’s night, and that time of the week where all the experiences-of life and work, experiences intertwined- catch up in one crashing wave. Often, we spend our time looking forward to when we allow ourselves to take a break, but that word seems more like the break of a wave than that of a feeling of relaxation.
I am sat surrounded by dead plants (with a thousand more-literally- wilting on the windowsill downstairs). The haze of a whole incense stick hangs heavy on the air. I am drowning in relaxation. A ‘reward’ I’m enforcing.
It can be a hard line to draw, that of work and of relaxation, when you’re working on projects you enjoy, or when you are able to invest any creativity into work you’re doing- it doesn’t have to be work in the ‘arts industries’ necessarily. The saying goes something like ‘do work you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life’. Hm. Only if we’re recognising that any work that we do should be respected as such- regardless of whether we enjoy it or not.
Even moving into work that falls under the ‘arts industries’ umbrella, the experience of academia and education sticks with you. Even being caught by this artistic and creative work on the other side of the education system, it’s not like your brain can suddenly snap out of thinking in the way that’s been drilled into your all your life in education. Can it?
I don’t know how many people generally enjoy their time at school. For me I had the luck of good friends and getting on alright with academics. But I know that school is different for everyone- some dread it, and for others I can imagine it holding their life together. Even with my generally positive experience, I still feel that the way that we are encouraged-the way I certainly was- to view school as so high important and imperative for my future, the way stem is treasured above all subjects and the way that teachers are pushed (which then filters to the students), creates a mentality in us that I don’t think is necessarily helpful. Schools are looking more and more like businesses- in a way hard to see when you’re in that system, but kind of horrifying when you make it out.
What would a more attentive method of education look like? Yes, there are Steiner schools, private schools. But what would a whole system of education look like that prioritises the child’s education regardless of the figures in their parents’ bank accounts? This business and profit capitalisation in schools creates such an undue pressure that the idea of the child’s education coming first feels like an alien idea. Even a few good teachers sprinkled across the board can’t make up for that. What in school truly teaches us about what it is to function as healthy, well-rounded people in society?
I think the knock-on effect of this system of education is our relationship with stress. It doesn’t help that results in school capitalise so much on exams (from GCSE’s onwards, before that even) which can cause such stress for a lot of people. The experience of stress is mutual across the board for students- for those that work hard, and those who lean towards procrastination. The pressure is always there. This ‘business model’ approach to education is so much so that its aftermath is left for the students to deal with. Because even when that high-pressure situation is over- there’s a feeling that there’s something missing when the stress isn’t there. The stress starts to feel connected to how hard we’re working, which isn’t necessarily true.
It’s this mentality that can stay with us after education, carrying over into our lives. There is a sense of pressure that, while education is not the only cause of, being a structure that should empower and build up students, is something to consider when looking at the mental wellbeing of people growing up.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for throwing yourself into things, being driven and disciplined, challenging yourself. I’m just wondering where I’m supposed to learn along that way to take stock in achievement and enjoy life in the lulls rather than feeling like I’m missing out and failing. I suppose this is more of a thought on state of mind rather than the things one does- how many tasks to do for it to be challenging in a good way, rather than needlessly stressful. Even then, it’s all swings and roundabouts- we’ve all had those days where even a single task feels like a mountain. Where to start? How can you build on a mentality that doesn’t have a baseline of peace and restfulness?
It's ironic, I think, that to find this peace within oneself, the key could be to use the same mentality that’s telling you never to rest- flipping it to aggressively enforce restfulness. How to make the most of times of calm when you live in a capitalist society? Defy it directly- use your time to heal and grow.
You can spend days in bed without feeling benefit, because your mind might not be giving you peace. I used to say that that ‘technically you can’t do nothing, you’re always doing something’ and I’ve changed my mind. It could be helpful to see doing nothing as those times when you haven’t got any intention. Or, at least, you’ll get less out of what you’re doing. Being focussed on what you’re doing, giving it your all, means that you get more out of it.
But all of this is ideal thinking- we can’t always be present and focussed all the time- we haven’t got the capacity to be so self-aware and aware of everything around us at the same time. Not to mention the composition of different people- imagine me telling someone with ADHD they just need to focus…I think I would be cancelled.
At the end of the day, it’s possible for us to turn stress around. It could help to think about what it shows us. Maybe it can be used as a way of celebrating our ambitions- it is, after all, a gift to have a sense of purpose in life at all. But even if we don’t have that sense of purpose, what we are in this moment, in whatever capacity, is, and always has been, enough.